Dear Nana,
i know you have probably heard about me going to jail and jamie calling the police and me throwing my cell phone at my mother. i have no explanations for my actions other than the fact that i was mad and let my temper get the best of me. I'm not trying to win you over or make you believe in anything different then what you have heard about me. I am lost and alone and scared and tired of being left to assumption by my family. lately i feel i have no family i have no one to help me guide me teach me wrong from right. i grew up taking care of me i had to nurse myself to strength i had to grow up so fast and deal with things that no kid should ever have to deal with. i don't want to start a hate letter on my mother but i feel as though the only side that was ever heard that was ever believed is hers. i watched my mother get beaten when i was 5 i watched her fall down while running away from me and leaving me her child with the person who just got done beating her. my mother was never worried about the well being of myself she was afraid for her not of what could have happened after she left me with that man. she would tell me and confide in me with secrets stories about her life that i shouldn't have heard i shouldn't have known about secrets in her life. since i can remember she has used me as her friend her support rather her daughter. i took care of her i made sure she was okay and happy. yes i have rebelled and i was a brat but why do you think i did that? to receive attention to make sure she cared yelling is caring right? fighting is caring right? you wouldn't fight with someone if you didnt care right?i can not begin to tell you the turmoil my mother has put me through there are stories secrets, that no one knows because i had those secrets locked up bottled inside i never vented i never spoke about theses things for my mothers sake. i held her burdens along with mine my shoulders are ever so tired and my mind is becoming to full. i need help professional or not and that night when jamie came to my house and accused me of being the terrifying one the unstable one the one with the problem i felt horrid. i for a moments time thought she was right i thought about how this could all be my fault but i have realized that i can no longer take the blame for a life that was not mine for a future that i didn't pick for fights that i never wanted to happen. i will accept and not run away from the problems i have and the many mistakes i have made but i am tired of being the bad guy the evil daughter who is the subject of conversation. i wish only to be freed of this burden the one where my mother blames her lifes hell on me. you nor anyone for that matter have any clue what it feels like to endure a tragedy as big as mine you think you know, but you have no idea? you have no idea what its life to live with someone who lies to make themselves look better who creates an image and becomes it when surround by others. i am slowly failing at life because my troubles are to hard and to big for me to handle and they are all hidden within. you never see my tears, you never hears my screams, you only see what you've heard, which is a selfish brat with no insides, what you don't know and have failed to realize is this brat is one broken girl who yearns for acceptance and true love with the only person who will never be able to succumb there own demon. i come to you because i trust you idk who to look to or talk to i don't want a huge affair made out of this just someone who can help me listen to me and guide me. i believe and i want you to be that person because when you hug me i feel loved, i feel warmth, i feel your genuine. i need that. i ask myself now even after writing you this e-mail am i over reacting am i making a big deal but if i was dramatizing this and blowing this out of proportion would these tears be streaming down my face, would my shoulders feel somewhat lighter? i dont know, this is my call for help, please rescue me!

-Hannah